I forgot!

I forgot that I have to fill out new forms again. UGH! I hate those stupid forms about the pregnancy, the first steps, when did she eat, when did she talk who lives in the house whta therapies have you tried, who were her tharapists, specialists, neurologist, optomotrist, have you had her hearing checked...blah, blah, blah. I wish I were better organized and could just copy and paste the same info over and over and over again. It wouldn't be so bad if they actually looked at the info and then came up with a plan!!!! I feel like every doctor's office in town must surely have this info by now. Actually, this is a place where we've already recieved therapy so you'd think they'd have all this. I wonder if this is some sort of punishment. I certainly am not motivated to keep track of all these people we've seen when all we get is a huge bill and no added understanding or direction. It's been 9 years of filling out forms for NOTHING! Sorry, but I guess I really needed to vent! I don't have time or opportunity to do that very often so, if anyone is actually reading this, I'm very sorry. And you must be very bored. OK...bed is a very good idea. Actually, I better read first...I should have done that before I sat down to blog...it always changes my perspective.

She sleeps!

Well, it's the end of another day. Everyone is tucked in so I'll use this time wisely. We're more than half-way through a heavy metal detox...just the best one i could guess at from Whole Foods. I'm hoping this will make way for some of the enzymes and supplements to work (that we'll be trying soon). There aren't any DAN protocol doc's here so I'm going to meet with the open-minded (thank you Jesus) pediatrician and a Naturopath pastor from our church. Maybe between them and the WWW I can get some help for Kenz without messing up her system even more! Kenzi is officially a woman! She just turned 12 and her womanhood arrived about 1 1/2 months ago. She is currently in the middle of her 3rd cycle since that time. I don't know if the detox thing is having an effect or if it's just part of the way her body is adjusting. All I know is that personal care was never something she could take responsibility for alone and now this. At least she's not freaked out and she handles it calmly. I will just be giving more frequent showers!
We have a book that discusses adolescence and physical changes for both males and females. I'm trying to keep the content level low but am feeling the need to go into greater detail...not sure how the processing will go...with brothers in the house I'm not quite sure how she'd handle herself. This makes me wonder about people who deal with these issues and don't have a relationship with a caring, loving God, as I do. How do they continue to have hope and energy and patience and all the things you need every second of the day? Believe me, even knowing that God has a beautiful, perfect plan for my Mackenzie, and that He is with us throughout each day, I still struggle with my expectations and emotions. It's a constant struggle to be the one pushing her always. As her only teacher (believe me, I'm willing to let go if I can find someone else!) I have to be vigilant about teaching opportunities and very sneaky and creative about how I impart knowledge and wisdom. She's too smart to do anything she doesn't want to do, and there's not a whole lot that she does want to do. I'll have to say tht her 4yo brother is a big help. Even though he knows how to read (fluently...because he's hard us review phonics soooo many times) he pretends to let Kenzi teach him how! Another provision from God (thank you, again)! Also, there's the every day around the house and family issues and the personal hygiene. So, pretty much I'm talking to her about some thing or another all the waking hours of the day. I think she's tuned me out by now!!!(I would) I'm exhausted. I think I'll read something renewing from my favorite Book and call it a night. Tomorrow I have to help clean her room...again. Peace

getting started is the hardest part

Wow! I've wanted a record of this whole investigative process but keep writing in different notebooks. The goal is to assemble all past, present and future thoughts, feeling, ideas and information so I can look at this thing as a whole instead of current, fragmented parts. What thing? Well, this very frustrating thing called being a mom of a special needs child. Yes, I understand that the whole 'mom' thing is frustrating in general! I have four kids of various ages and stages. This particular frustration comes from having an undiagnosed multi-symptomed beautiful child who has few noticeable physical oddities, yet is handicapped in several ways. The frustration comes from knowing that your beautiful child longs to have meaningful relationships yet doesn't understand how (and others don't understand her). That she desires to learn but has too many obstacles and just shuts down...feeling as if the effort is just too much for the small return. The frustration comes from paying a fortune for doctors, tests, and so called experts who can't recommend a next step. The frustration comes from therapists who can't help fully because they get little cooperation from your child (YES! That's part of the whole darn problem!). The frustration comes because I'm a mom who has learning and social issues of her own and doesn't feel equipped to navigate this crazy medical system that has to have a diagnosis box to check when there's no clear box for my daughter. The real frustration comes because each year Mackenzie gets older, is farther behind, and I have no clear answers as to how to help her; and I see her becoming more depressed and hopeless. I have to go help her wash her hair.